Sunday, April 29, 2007

who says gals are nosier than guys? not necessarily.. i studied at mac.. and gosh.. a group of guys.. mayb ard hmmz.. 8-10?? they are NOISY.. i was listening to my mp3.. apparently.. it doesn't really matter.. cos i still can hear their laughters and conversations.. i seriously nearly went berserk over there.. i guess over the years.. my level of tolerance went down.. last time i used to be studyin among lorries of junior college students. the whole mac can be like a fish market..pple shouting across the place.. yet.. i can be there studyin peacefully.. now.. a single noise easily irritates me.. boy.. i am quite pleased at myself.. managed to make 3 chapters of notes.. 4 more to go.. with 10 more days of studyin.. jia you jia you!!





...don't be mad.. don't be upset..i m just human.. i m just me.. i just need some space..

Friday, April 27, 2007

these 2 days has been free pasta days.. colleagues treating me one another.. phew.. blessed and fattening.. the last day is coming.. *sobs..* i will miss tt place greatly..

today went for another interview.. yes.. again.. the 4th time.. and it's not with the ceo! just some normal employees.. supposed to sign contract already.. but somewhere in between some stuffs..cropped up.. and ya.. the same old questions again.. haiz.. wed another round. the 5th time.. man.. wad are they up to? they tink it's fun? it's different when you have 4 different interviews.. but it's irritating to have 4 same interviews..with different ppl.. asking almost same stuffs.. and now there's e 5th round.. wow.. hope there isn't a 6th one..

when you know it.. and you know it deep inside of you.. it's dead.. no use trying.. cos you dun wan to.. when all the will dies.. when all you feel is nothing.. you are just thinkin how to end it.. no more confusion.. not a tinge of guilt or wadsoever.. and that's scary..

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Leaving Citibank in less than a week's time.. Monday is gonna to be my last day.. xianz.. really xianz.. latley e gal who is to replace me came 2 days ago.. tt's very xianz too.. cos i dun really like her.. ok.. i mean i dun really have good vibes abt her.. she crossed her line on the 2nd day of work.. she seems like a nice lady initially.. quiet.. demure.. but then on the 2nd day.. she actually wore my slippers that i left in the office.. manz.. hey.. tt's MY slippers.. not that i m selfish to lend her.. but then i guess the basic courtesy is to ask before you take rite?? esp if I only have known you for less than 48hours.. haiz.. she wore it.. den asked me if it's ok to wear it.. i m like.. wow.. it's like eating up your food and asked if it's ok.. if the matter concerns the latter.. i tink i will fight her to the end.. haha.. anyway.. tt already left a bad impression of her in my mind.. and she's like i dunnoe wad to say.. just don't like workin with her.. and she kept on invading my privacy.. wah.. really pissed off.. e story i shall leave it with the wind..

But thank God she's not gng to be ard tmr and fri.. i rather be super busy by myself than workin with her.. cos it's tiring to pretend that everything is ok in front of her.. anyway.. tmr is a pasta day!! arranged to have a nice lunch with my colleagues from the service team in GWC.. the restaurant is Al Den'te.. ok.. checked out the price. not very ex.. shall try to take some photos tmr.. hee.. and we said monday is gng to be kfc/pasta day.. we are gng to call for delivery..manz.. diet plans is really the last tin on my mind now.. ha.. den next fri is gng to another dinner outing with the sales team after their work.. and i promised to cook century egg porridge for them.. manz.. shouldnt have promised such stuffs.. haha. cos i can imagine another major project coming up.. but i really will MISS my colleagues over there.. in an twinkling of an eye.. i've been there for 6 months.. really had tears and joys workin there.. and the people there are very NICE!!from disliking to work there to treating them like my family.. hmmz.. hope my next new job is gng to be a better one!!

Decided to try for the recruitment consultant.. at recruit express.. if you still rem that i left in my previous posts that i went for the interview and was pissed at the director.. well.. decided to try for the 4th round and see how.. if everything goes well.. i should start work maybe a few weeks after my papers.. which means i got to study 1st.. hmmz.. 2 more weeks to my ONE and ONLY important paper.. which determines whether will i get away from SIM..

What's at the end of my tunnel?? i really want to take a look.. to see if i still can move on..

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

great... e pivot of change in my life is being tilted lately..

Xianz...

Numb..

No more..

Letting go..

Dont ____ me..

Saturday, April 21, 2007

I simply luv this guy.. frank sinatra.. his voice is very fantastic!! and some how i've this bond with him.. his voice makes me feel very ... i dunno.. it touches my heart.. Enjoy..

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

did i ever say i choose each song for my blog for a reason?? oh ye.. i do.. it will match my feelings and thoughts for the moment.. geesh.. and i came upon SUN's song, even tho it isn't very catchy initially.. i admit.. it didn't catch my attention.. however, the lyrics are so relating~~~~~ at least to me.. right now in my life...

因为有你

曾经以为只要远走高飞
人生的旅途就不会被失落包围
时间会如风擦干伤心的泪
期待有人了解

直到看见你点亮了黑夜
只要一盏灯就能温暖冰冷的夜
原来你一直就在我的身边
等待给我安慰

我转身对回忆轻轻说声goodbye
勇敢的面对未来所有喜乐伤悲
因为有你的爱
牵着我的手
紧握着信念

终于看见你给我的永远
因为你的爱就能实现梦的誓言
我终于了解你就在我身边
陪我一起跨越

我转身对回忆轻轻说声goodbye
期待与你分享未来每一天

因为有你的爱
牵着我的手
紧握着信念
我的世界张开双手
我举起了世界
看见全世界因为梦想感动落泪
你的爱跟随从起点到终点
永不停的飞越
我终于学会坚持的完美
你站在终点等待我飞越
每一滴眼泪都变得甜美

因为有你我相信每天
睁开了眼就值得纪念
张开双手就能飞穿越白天和黑夜
风雨后是晴天

有你的爱有你的爱

lately.. my members have changed.. for the better... i'm kind of happy and shocked.. cause i want to know the sudden change in them..ha.. some would automatically let me know they are bringing friends for the big day.. even up till now, for this coming Benny Hinn's healing service..
automatically let me know they are putting in efforts.. perhaps.. they are convicted by the HS.. perhaps they know i am tired of chasing.. perhaps.. they have really grown up.. Maturity indeed has taken place in them.. though not the full fruit.. but at least they are moving on... maturity is something that you take ownership and responsibility of.. your own life.. being faithful even when no one is watching.. or asking.. it really encourages me.. really..
sometimes.. it's a little sms.. sometimes.. it's efforts put in without any recognition back.. sometimes it's a little gesture to let you know they care.. thanks!! it really boost me up..

anyway.. a little updates on my 2nd interview.. basically.. it didn't go so well.. i passed in a way.. but the director is like ewww... nah.. time to move on and look for better ones.. i still have ard 2 more weeks to tink abt.. cause i want to quit citibank 1 week before my major paper on 9th May.. hmmz.. we'll see how :)

Monday, April 09, 2007

hmmz.. actually i've blogged e 1st part in my office.. and it's left in the desktop over there.. oopss... i m not eating snake.. really not much to do at times.. my workload is seasonal.. ha

anyway.. just thinkin what to pen down today.. one of my disciplers once said i m quite easy to read thru.. as a person.. my facial expressions, the way i talk, the way i behave give away what i m feeling or thinking at that moment.. hmmz.. true to only a certain extent.. ha.. if you know me deep enough, i dun tink anyone else does (except God), i m a born actress.. not saying i m a hypocrite.. i m as real as i can be.. but then dun you realise there will be times even though you hurt on the inside, when it gets rough or unbearable, when tins are totally upside down in your life, but on the outside, you still got to be strong? not saying to put on a front all the times, but den just like what the book of the proverbs says.. a wise man will hold back his emotions, not let it out anyhow.. in a way, sometimes we can't just let head rule our lives.. just do what you feel like it or want it to be.. and sometimes circumstances doens't allow you to.. i really tried following that verse... maybe i went over to the extreme.. i tried to numb myself with things that are not right.. hoping that i dun feel as bad as i shd.. but deep in my heart.. i know God knows and i can sense HIM at work whenever or wherever i m/dng .. HE always come at a time.. when you tot you are falling off the cliff.. when you tot there's no way to turn back.. when you told yourself.. give it a last chance.. and this decision is it.. nothing can change it..

but till now.. i can't deny that GoD can.. HE comes in a special and gentle way.. HE didn't strongly enforce onto my own will.. it's just so gentle.. like a wind blows.. HIS love and presence is still something that i can't run away from.. your heart just melts automatically and your will changes by itself.. of course, to the good path.. tt's why, i m very convinced, there's no heart too hardened, too cold that HE can't touch.. i experienced it myself..

**destiny tied strongly .. covenant once again proven unbroken**

When i didn't expect much, GOD gave me more abundantly.. when i went off, HE guided me back by HIS ways..

EASTER is over.. it was great.. drama to the carnival to everything~~ we had 14 for svr!! praise the LORD!! even though we didn't hit target at the end of day.. it was not like a super big figure... but when i looked back at previous attds and last week's.. i knew it was GOD but nobody else.. i know, as we keep on believing and striving.. the laws of sowing and reaping will remain.. we can't stop here.. the reward is just in front.. ~~

so exciting.. tmr is my 2nd interview.. at recruit express..with the big big boss-director..woo hoo

Sunday, April 08, 2007

have you ever felt like your migraine is killing you?? to add things worse.. e pain goes to in between your eyes.. and next your stomach is churning.. and you feel like vomiting.. and tt's wad i m feelin rite.. geesh..

top 2 killer illnesses i dun wan to have: giddy and sore throat/flu.. bind it in JEsus's name!!

Received news tt someone i knew got married.. alright.. i saw it myself.. on friendster.. not an ordinary fren.. he was my ex.. haha.. it was kind of a shock.. not those kind of 'i still like him' shock.. but u noe.. someone whom u were once very close with.. suddenly entering into another phase of life.. i still rem the time i met him.. i was in sec2.. and to save the in between stories.. u dun wan to noe.. time flies.. now he's a married man..alright.. his wife is not bad.. but deep in my heart.. i was kind of glad i am not e wife.. not tt i m being mean.. it's just tt.. i know God is gng to give me somethin better.. !! and tt my life will kind of come to a standstill if i were still to be with him now.. maybe i wun be in chc.. mayb i wun be who i am today.. anyway.. tt's e past.. and let e wind carry it and bury it.. ha..

Today becky came to our easter svr.. she said she's being very emo lately... esp today.. but den i guess.. today is more like the presence of God at work.. anyway.. God is able to lift up ur burden and stress.. if you are willing!! she told me a very funny thing.. she said i was attached.. hmmz.. without me knowing.. haha.. dun worry guys.. i will anounce here.. if it's true..

felt that tis year drama and carnival are so much better den last year.. indeed.. we are gng from one level to another.. !!

we came to this spectacles stall which sells great and cheap specs!! from spec hut..

i love this white specs.. $50, Ralph Lauren.. i m 'secretly smiling'... can u tell??

i love this kind too!! those 'flies eyes' lookalike.. like a supermodel.. anyway.. e purple specs YQ is wearing.. is her new specs.. ye.. i tink it suits her too.. $80 + lens..

Ever had those times when you begin to wonder if you are not here.. where will you be?? or if you are not dng tis.. wad will you be dng?? i had lots of those times lately.. i began to wonder.. actually if i m just a normal member..or if i m not in e CGL ministry.. wad will i be dng?? would i still be serving and loving God the same way i m now?? maybe yes.. maybe no.. i tink it's quite hard for me to go into another diff ministry now.. not tt i m being rigid.. but den when it's not God's calling.. it's quite aimless and purposeless to do so.. wad if i'm in children church's ministry?? wad if i go back to drama? wad if? wad if?? hmmz.. i just felt that if you're not in God's calling..wadever you're dng.. regardless of the name tt you label it.. 'God's work'.. 'God's ministry' you know that you know.. somethin is just not being maximised.. something is not reaching its full potential.. God's not really smiling down from heaven..

Hmmz.. alright shall spare you of all my weird deep tots lately.. update again..my head is killing me...

Love is Beautiful~~ is yours??

Thursday, April 05, 2007

歌曲：漩涡

总装着很有把握
不准爱渗入生活
才发现闯了祸
让你当真以为我的心上了锁
让你绝望地走
成全独立的我

好想捂朵
不想不看不想听谁说
好想蹲在角落
把谴责的眼光都躲过

像个黑色漩涡
将我吞没
悔恨已逃不脱
我承认这都是我
感情事处理得不妥
从不说
我爱你
那么多

原来人可能脆弱
爱让我很难振作
我坐在最前座
人生第一次面对什么叫落寞
经历你这一走
最大傻瓜是我

我不要谁好心帮我
每个人像在隔岸观火
看我犯错
提醒我说都是我的错
提醒我说逼你离开我
就算同情是条绳索
我也没办法伸出双手
拯救自己(除了你)
除非是你(拯救我)
肯回头(为了我)
扭转这个结果







tmr is my test... haven finish.. or shd i say i didn't really started yet.. ha.. was so tired just now.. fell asleep when i got home.. went to Miss Clarity cafe with char.. i quite like tt place.. nice food.. good and affordable.. ambience.. well.. ok lah.. at least get to read mag and just stone there.. hee..


On sat.. I've watched "23" with char .. alrite.. it's her again.. ha.. hmmz. have my circle of friends shrunk?? hmmz.. anyway.. tt day was super memorable.. it's a popular show leh.. cos i rem gng to Cine at 1130 to catch the 1140 show.. but the tics were sold out.. nvm... rushed cab down to the cathay to catch the 1150 or 12oo show.. yup.. it's some midnight show.. it was sold out too.. *angry.. really... ha.. waste my $$.. and we were comtemplating.. shd we watch the next show.. and it's like at 150??!! so we decided.. alright.. since we were there.. just sit ard and chill 1st.. den.. if still not tired.. den we'll go for it.. ha.. and u could guess it.. we waited till den.. haha.. and e show ended at 3+.. in the morning.. *tired.. and e exciting part was... it was sold out fast too.. and we got the 2nd row.. man.. neck tired.. blurred vision.. saw some church friends there too.. tho not very close.. hee

we got e tic!!
not exaggerating.. i was quite happy when i got the tics.. ye!!

Went for the recruit express interview today.. to apply for the recruitment consultant.. it turned out to be better than i expected.. well.. cos i didn't really prepare for it.. and the manager is a super nice lady.. she's quite like me.. friendly.. funny.. haha.. alright.. shall not praise myself anymore.. next week.. i will go back for the 2nd round interview again.. hope it will be a better one!!

Standing at the crossroads.. deciding.. letting go.. moving on.. holding on.. moving on??

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