Friday, May 25, 2007




YE!!! i am finally back!!!! after so many weeks of trying to log in.. initially i wanted to let this be the last time and if it still fails to start.. i'll start a new blog elsewhere.. hmmpf..

anyway.. actually.. i still blog lah.. but i saved it in words.. so right now i present.. my old ' brand new' posts!!

Recently, quite xing ku lah.. without a blog to write my life and thoughts.. a lot of things happened.. and I guess I can say it’s on the good side. I felt like as if I walked along the sides of hell, almost to tumble into the holes of the entrance.. but always at the last min, God will always put out His hands to pull me back. I guess I can never win God. Of his grace and presence. And genuine touch. All the struggles I have, to or not to. Normally it’s not because I’ve totally walk out of God’s hands, because if I do, I don’t need to struggle. But it’s when deep down in your heart, God has a place in you but you just chose to ignore it, it’s quite painful to make any decisions that involves Him. Perhaps I need to thank the devil that I had a chance of breaking out and coming back again . cause I realized all along the desires I had is not what I intended it to be. i realized it taught me to even cherish what I have in my hands. All the definition of leadership is what the devil has tried to blur my visions.. leadership comes from the Lord, it’s not just about the people, not just about the numbers, you don’t just take what the ministry has hurt or wore you out, and you take it back and throw it at God. Throwing in the towel, as if the Lord owes you something and you are just taking what it’s yours originally. Actually, if we go back to point zero, my leadership position, my identity as His child, having a chance to be a Christian is all what He gave it to me. To put it shortly, I am who I am because of Him and I will only give up who I am or what He has intended me to be, unless 1st He chose to take it away or give it up on me.


I learnt a lot of things along the journey that I walked through this time round,

I learnt to let go of certain things that used to be my old wineskins.

I learnt to accept the bad that happened in my life.

I learnt to trust and work hard.

I learnt to believe in miracles.

And time and time again, I always rediscover who God is, His different sides, His different whispers of love and encouragements.

I learnt about His love and grace and mercy and gentleness and it always seems getting bigger and bigger each time I look at it. I can’t help but to go wow at it.

I learnt not to be so hard on myself when things doesn’t go right.

I learnt to readjust my expectations on certain issues that if I can’t handle it, I can’t handle it.

I learnt to enjoy what I am doing. To enjoy the people, to enjoy serving them, giving them bible studies, to enjoy making phone calls, doing visitations and meeting their needs,


Most of all,

I learnt one new lesson from my mistakes.

That is unconditional love. Really giving without expecting anything in return. Loving irrespective of their character or status. It’s really hard, hard not to make comparisons, hard not to let selfishness arises and take over me, but really, I’ll learn, learn to be more like Him.



DayS of XY's LIFE.
5/25/2007 09:40:00 PM


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Simple things in life make me happy.. Really :)

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Stoning, good food, movies, shopping, hanging out with friends

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No food, neverending work, aimless life..

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